People often forget that brides are still human on their wedding day. They still have to do number 1 or, heaven forbid, number 2.
“How do I pee with this on?” I remember asking my designer, Kristel Yulo, during one of our fittings.
My gown had multiple layers of soft tulle. It had a short train. It also came with a petticoat that made the skirt balloon.
While these elements made the gown pretty (very pretty), they also made it complicated for me to take a leak.
Kristel recommended that I buy spanx that open in the crotch area. She also advised me to take only sips of water throughout the day instead of gulping them down.
Her words made me prepare myself to be dehydrated but I know I still had to pee at some point. The answer as to how to actually do it came on The Day.
Before we left the hotel room for the church, my girl-for-the-day pulled me inside the bathroom. She locked the door.
“I will teach you how to pee in your dress,” she said in her Obi Wan tone with a gentle smile on her face.
It was an exciting moment. This bit of information is rarely shared by one bride to another. It felt like I was finally allowed into a secret.
So just like a good, young padawan, I listened intently. Then I got shocked and a bit dismayed. For I discovered bridal poise and urinating do not go well together.
These are the actual steps on how it’s done:
1) Lift the skirt up.
2) Unbutton the spanx.
3) Sit on the toilet bowl with the body facing the water tank. The train and veil that are collectively called as “bride’s tail” has to be protected at all times.
4) Calm down and focus. Yes, focus.
5) Wipe it clean.
6) Get up. Suffer through another few moments of indignity of securing the spanx.
7) Try to act as if peeing with another girl looking over your shoulder is the most natural thing in the world. After all, men do it all the time.
I guess using an adult diaper would have been easier and funnier. I would never know. But I could imagine the laughs (and the violent reaction) I’ll get if this post was titled “I peed while I was having my photos taken with the VIPs.”